O SÁBIO DE LAGO

Surviving Your First Year As Mrs.

Attention young brides: according to a 2019 study by Loveawake dating site the an increase in ambivalence within the first two years of marriage can be a predictor for divorce after 13 years. If you haven’t lived together before, you’ll need strike a compromise between who’s cleaning the clothes and who’s stocking the fridge. Balancing new in-laws and making time for old friends are just two more daunting stress bumps you’re sure to hit along the way. But happily ever after is possible–if you keep the love and communication intact.

Don’t Bite Your Tongue

It’s quite simple and obvious that a relationship without communication is headed in the wrong direction. Sure, it’s easy to expect your partner to know what’s bothering you or going on in your mind, but the truth is, that’s impossible and non-verbal cues don’t work.  Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, so unless he or she owns a psychic shop, don’t expect it to come that easily.

In order to have a healthy relationship, it’s absolutely necessary that you are both expressing your needs and wants: Don’t hold it in. Don’t let it go without mentioning it. And don’t choose to bring up issues six months after the fact.

Many couples who have remained together for decades say that without communication they wouldn’t have lasted a fraction as long as they have. Truth be told, talking is the only way your partner will know there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Never expect someone to read your mind unless you’re willing to pay twenty dollars, and even so, talk it out.

Be Honest/Trust

Honesty is important, whether you’re dating or married, however it becomes more significant once your relationship is taken to the next level. You have to be honest with your partner from the beginning about what you want, the values you have, and which direction you want your life to go. It’s not fair to say location isn’t important to you while you’re dating, and suddenly spring on your new husband that you absolutely must live within 20 minutes from your mother.

On that same note, a relationship without trust will never survive. Trust is a necessary tool when it comes to building a solid relationship that’s capable of overcoming life’s ups and downs. You should always mean what you say (no “testing” each other) and stick to your word, because that will ultimately show your spouse that they can count on you and have a reliable partner.

Embrace Your Differences

Differences in one another can easily cause conflict. What maybe once drew you into a person may now be the sole reason that you’ve become more irritated and on the edge. Although it’s very easy to simply adapt to your spouse’s qualities and lose who you once were,  that can later lead to resentment. Instead, use your differences to bring excitement and a new challenge to the table; doing so will only make you a better person, widen your perspective, and make your relationship more interesting. After all, how boring would it be to be married to someone exactly like yourself?

It’s 50/50

Marriage is a give and take. It takes severe compromise to make this union succeed and it’s ultimately all about working together to maintain the common goal: an eternal commitment. If your spouse is home working all day and you have the day off, do your part and maybe clean up the house and make a great dinner. Sometimes you cook and clean, sometimes your spouse does. If the dirty dishes are left in the sink, clean them up but then let your partner know, in a cute and silly way, that it’s his or her turn the next time. If you make chores into something silly, fun or even sexy, getting things done equally can be quite amusing.

Be Realistic

It’s OK to have a bad or off day and it’s OK to wake up one morning and feel irritated at the world. Not every day of your marriage is going to be a moment of bliss and excitement. It’s important to be realistic that both you and your partner will have those off days where nothing seems to fit or go right. Stay optimistic because one bad day isn’t a sign that your marriage isn’t working. Even a bad week. It’s a sign that we’re all human and experience different emotions. Marriage will be a roller coaster, and you can’t be ready to call it quits because you’re not as happy one month as you were the previous.

Respect Each Other

Mutual respect is key in any marriage. Letting your partner know that you appreciate all that they do for you makes a whirlwind of a difference in any relationship. A “thank you” is always important as well as showing your partner that you treasure them. Feeling respected by your husband or wife strengthens your bond together because you feel that comfort and mutual courtesy in knowing that you each support and respect one another.

Choose Your Battles

We all know that it’s easy to nit pick at every little thing, but why get worked up over something small? If you don’t like something and it’s a repetitive pattern, something that bothers you constantly, then speak out. Holding in what irritates you can lead to resentment, and the lack of communication is harmful to any marriage–especially a new one!

Speaking out and communicating on issues that bother you is necessary, but choose which ones are worth fighting for in the end.  If you know that the issue is a one time thing and happening because of other circumstances per that day, make your point then leave it alone.

Stay Independent

Many couples lose their independence once they become married. Yes, you are joined forces, but not at the hip. Do things separately at times so you won’t lose sight of what made you happy before you found your future husband or wife. Coming together after a long day, or many hours apart, is rewarding and makes the time together that much more special. Plus, you will have more to talk about if your daily activities include different things that you can’t wait to share with your spouse. Go out with friends once or twice (not five!) times a week, take a new art class or pick up a new workout routine at the gym. The time alone will fire you up for quality time with your loved one.