O SÁBIO DE LAGO
She Finally Decides It’s Time…To Date Online
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I’m doing exactly what I thought I’d never do: online dating.
It’s something I’ve shunned before for many different reasons. These reasons include watching the horrors that my friends have gone through with the people they’ve met online; the weird approach of putting your best photos, wittiest descriptions of yourself, and a finely-crafted bio of your most extraordinary accomplishments on an online platform only to really be none of those in real life; the strange situation of people considering me “photogenic” to the point that I often question how much worse-looking I am in real life when people surprisingly exclaim, “Wow, that’s such an AMAZING picture of you!”; I’m on the computer enough – it’s not like I want to hang out here more.
Plus, I will go ahead and admit the more judgmental reason: despite all of my gorgeous friends who have participated in online dating, there’s always been a small part of me that believed a person only goes online because they can’t meet someone in real life. That in some ways, online dating comes from a sense of desperation.
What I finally realized, though, was that this was a judgement on myself rather than anyone else. I also decided that instead of taking fate and my life into my own hands, I was giving my power over to unknown forces. I should know by now, they don’t work with me unless I make a move.
So, I decided to jump.
Not because I think I’m actually going to meet the guy “for me” through online dating. I actually don’t have any friends who ended up with long term partners they met online. But they did end up meeting someone in part because they put themselves out there. And I believe putting yourself out there reverberates in different ways, most of which occurs in the places we least expect.
It was time for me to take a large step and shout to the Universe, “I’m ready to move forward.”
What It’s Been Like…For Me
It’s an interesting world, to say the least. Simple house-cleaning questions arise, like do I have to respond to every person that emails me? (checked with several friends on this one – the general consensus is ‘no’). There are realizations I’ve already come to, such as looks do matter to me more than I thought (even if I like what a guy has written in his bio or email to me, I’ll not respond if his photos don’t interest me). I’ve also recognized that while I like a man’s personality to run along the SNAG (sensitive, new-age guy) lines, I like more masculine and darker-looking men (something I didn’t previously realize).
I’m still as picky, if not more so, than I am in real life. I rarely look at a guy’s profile first, but wait to see who’s looked at mine.
All of these are good lessons for me about myself. Really, isn’t that what everything in life is about? If we don’t make those moves that make us uncomfortable, we forgo getting to know ourselves on levels that may be obvious to others, but aren’t so obvious to ourselves.
There’s also what you learn about others, and the world in general. I’ve received sweet (though somewhat cheesy) messages, like this one: “Your smile could light the darkest night. Thought it, decided to say it”, or this one: “The man who let you get away should have his head examined.”
There are guys that show they’ve taken the time to read what I had to say, writing, “I love what you said: ‘life is supposed to be fun but we have to work hard to make it that way.’ But if you enjoy your work and have fun while working then life is truly fun most of the time”, or “That was a charming introduction! The line between introvert and extrovert seems like it’s working out ok.”
There’s pointless ones like, “Hey” and “hi” and “Hey :-) ” (um, really?). There’s offensive ones like:
Hey girl. Dont take this wrong, but I want to smack the SHIT outta you with my big ol’ dingaling. Lets see that smile, that pretty smile on your face hold when I GUSH on your face, girl. All you gotta do is lay down, let me make you WIDER and just go in and out in and out until you explode. Lets DO this.
(yes, I flagged his shit right off the bat, and yes, his account is gone. Seriously, what is wrong with people?)
What Else?
I’ve also felt reverberations in other spaces and places. A friend and I went to a local health food store late Friday afternoon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever had that amount of energy coming at me from different men at once (and definitely not in this particular hippie/punk/new-age store). I wasn’t particularly dressed-up or looking fresh – in fact, my hair needed a washing – so, I attribute it to my online excursions.
Maybe that’s the ultimate reason I’ve never done it before – I was too afraid of what would happen.
Mostly, I’m not taking the whole thing seriously. And maybe that’s the ultimate reason I’ve never done it before – I was too afraid of what would happen. Too afraid of the possible rejection. Too afraid of the energy I’d need to put out. Too afraid to meet a bunch of different guys (the introvert in me silently glowers).
This, too, is a lesson that shows up over and over again. Non-attachment to an outcome actually leads to more fun in the ‘during’. So I will continue to practice as best as I can non-attachment here and otherwise in my “I’ll be happy when” life. And I give gratitude to all those on the ride with me.